Wednesday, August 09, 2006

thinkin' bout MTV

Dear MTV,

You know we love you. You know you're our favorite channel. And you called your shot and it came true: we can't live without our MTV.

Like any relationship we've had our rough times. At first you wouldn't play black artists, then you played too much Michael Jackson. Fine, thanks for meeting us half way.

For being pretty much the only music video channel in town you liked to play the same songs over and over. Some would say into the ground. But it's cool. It was the '80s, what were we going to do, go out and buy some oversized tshirts that said RELAX?

You gave us Yo! MTV Raps and Beavis and Butthead and 120 Minutes. Then you took em all back. But for some reason you won't quit your love affair with John Norris?

We know we're old because we can't name one VJ. We know we're old because we watch VH-1 twice as much as either MTV or MTV2. We know we're old because we remember every. single. video. from the rebroadcast of your first hour that you showed on VH-1 Classics last night.

We're old because we love VH-1 Classic.

Without you so many bands wouldn't be here. And maybe if it wasn't for you some people would still be here.

Would Nirvana have been as huge as they were without not just Nevermind but all of those classic videos from that album? Would Aaliyah had been in that plane crash in the Bahamas shooting a video if there had been no music video channel? Could Michael Jackson sell all those copies of Thriller without all those videos on that classic album?

But who would have expected that MTV, the pioneer of music tv, would be the pioneer of reality tv. "The Real World" was the first quasi-reality show and LAist has seen every episode of every season. MTV showed us the "real" Ozzy Osbourne and Jessica Simpson, their sister network VH-1 showed us the real Danny Bonaduce. Thanks for Johnny Knoxville and Bam and Wee Man and the Surreal Life and thank you for not hitching your wagon to Carson Daly.

The VMAs is the best award show every year. Best Week Ever is the best pop culture show. And MTV.com continues to be the worst web site in entertainment.

There aren't really videos any more on MTV, we still don't know when anything is on, and we're shocked that even on this, a huge anniversary for a channel that lost $37 million over its first two years, the station is having no huge specials on its own air.

Which might be fine because we really miss Ed Lover and Dre, Kennedy, Fab Five Freddy, Kevin Seal, Matt Pinfield, and even Jesse Camp.

We taped as many episodes of Superock as we could because we knew it was way too good for you to keep on the air for very long and we were sooooo right.

But why would you buy The Box and then squash its existence?

Whatevs, you gave us Carmen Electra and later Jenny McCarthy on "Singled Out", you gave us Kari Wurher on "Remote Control", you gave us Tabitha Soren, and because video was the medium you provided the perfect ecosystem for people like Mariah and Christina and now Shakira. So gracias. And muchas gracias for ixnaying on the ickeyray artinmay.

No thanks for breaking to commerical during the Pink Floyd reuinion this year at Live 8, no thanks for Adam Curry, no thanks for the virtual demise of MTV News, and no thanks for continually encouraging Ashton Kutcher.

We're ashamed at how much we like Cribs, Pimp My Ride and My Super Sweet 16, but we're not ashamed at how you continue to reward mediocrity in pop like the last four Red Hot Chili Peppers albums, Milli Vanilli, the Backstreet Boys, and Coldplay.

Why isn't Puck on MTV every day? Or Courtney Love? Remember when you gave her like two days unedited? Or did it only seem like two days, and unedited?

Why isn't there an hour every Friday night where you show us Videos That Will Blow Your Mind -- you are cable, you know. Where's my GG Allin? Doesn't Gwar have a new record? Aren't the Flaming Lips selling out the Hollywood Bowl?

Just because it doesn't work as background music on the latest episode of "The Hills" doesn't mean that it sucks, MTV. Remember Alternative Nation? Now would be a good time to bring that back.

We've made out in front of you, we've danced in front of you, we've even touched ourselves to you. You're a bad roommate because you never do what we wish you would but in retrospect you end up giving us things that we never knew existed.

    Thank you for Tom Green.
Thank you for Spike Jonze. Thank you for Mini Me pissing in that mansion.

Thank you for the most uncomfortable kiss ever when Michael Jackson kissed Elvis's daughter at the VMAs and thank you for the best girl-girl-girl kiss when Madonna laid one on Xtina and then Britney in an image that is as iconic as the first man landing on the moon.

You've come a long way baby, and we can't wait till you finally stop sucking.
_______________________

(from LA times)